I know this might be shocking to some of you but Coffee is not my thing. I love the smell but hate the taste. I do enjoy collecting the "You are Here" Mugs from Starbucks...for hot chocolate purposes or for guests to drink coffee from or maybe its just because they're cute! Whatever the case, I do not begrudge this whole coffee movement. I am happy for those of you who live for coffee. I have been to breakfast with some of you...your coffee mug is never empty...you are not done until its about time to get up from the table. Then you give the apologetic hand over the top of the mug with a smile and a "Oh, no thank you. I'm done!"
The mantra of my life lately has been, "I'm done." It is a phrase I have repeated over and over in the face of struggle, valley, attack, frustration, weariness, hurt and self-doubt. What I mean is: I am done living from a place of emptiness. A place where I am constantly looking for the next thing.
We attempt to fill ourselves up with jobs, relationships, success, schedules, stuff, and on and on the list goes. Our identity is so wrapped up in all the wrong things. I don't know what it is for you. Only you know what you pour into your cup leaving it full, at least for a short moment. But, eventually the cup is empty again and we go in search of another cup-filler.
I'm done with that.
So, I have been on a journey to find that place of "filled up." It feels tender...vulnerable...out of control but its also liberating. The cleaning out can be the tough part. Just like coming off of caffeine, the "cravings" for the other cup-fillers can be pretty crazy. Grace comes in handy during those relapse moments because it is a process...a journey. Not a journey toward perfection but a journey toward Jesus, who is the perfecter.
Honestly, the truth of understanding that only God can fill me up has been a truth I have known in my head for years. The knowledge just never made the short trip from my head to my heart. The problem has always been the not being done with the other stuff part. I'm not sure why I am there now or how I got to this point...but I am here. I have arrived. Done. No more "stuff." Only God.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13
Join me on my journey toward full?